Of Course At Times It Leads To Pants That Reek Of "Juicy Melon"

I'm a technologically advanced individual. I have a degree in computer science and make my living programming computers. The times displayed on my oven, microwave, television, phone and wrist watch are all relatively similar. I guess what I'm saying is that I have sufficiently evolved to make myself useful in this modern age of ours. It is for this reason that I cannot understand my inability to interact successfully with those stupid automatic paper towel dispensers now so popular in public restrooms.



It's a matter of some embarrassment that every time I find myself facing one of these machines, I utter a series of curses that would make Al Pacino blush. See, I never successfully wave my hand under it and retrieve a section of paper towel in exchange. Instead I wave my hand under it, wait, wave my hand the other way, wait and...nothing. Then I wave my hand in front of it. Then I try the sides. Then I try the bottom again. Perhaps I'll throw in a swooping motion that goes from the side to the front and then underneath. Either way, after about two minutes of looking like I'm involved in a kung fu battle with the region surrounding the damned thing, I shake my hands off, wipe them on my pants and walk away, defeated.

Fortunately for me, I continue to be a strong proponent of wearing extra absorbent pants.