For the last few years, the village that I live in has been in the process of trying to become a city. Soon, we will have opportunity to vote on whether or not we proceed with this, probably because we're all sick of hearing about it. As a responsible adult, however, I should take my voting rights seriously, and the only way I know to approach this sort of thing is to weigh the pros and cons of such a thing. So, here we go:
Reasons to remain a village:
- Given enough time as a village, we may spawn the next Garrison Keillor.
- There's always a chance that a police officer, construction worker, biker, soldier, cowboy and terribly racist portrayal of a native American will join together for an impromptu musical number.
- Becoming a city will result in a marked increase in promiscuous behavior for women between the ages of 30-45, who will then talk loudly about it over appletinis, ruining the atmosphere of the local pub.
- Mass confusion as mice on local farms try to figure out which part of the fable they are now in.
- So long as we're a village, I can always fall back on my original career plan: Idiot.
Reasons to become a city:
- Given enough time as a village, we may spawn the next Garrison Keillor.
- Cities are way more likely to spawn a winged vigilante.
- Cities are often associated with diversity, potentially irritating local racists.
- A better class of graffiti artists.
- City rhymes with 100% more rude words for body parts, which is important to people who enjoy limericks.
Ugh. This isn't helping at all. What's the voting equivalent of answering "C" for everything?
