My lovely wife recently discovered and began to binge watch The Good Wife, which means I've been getting all sorts of quality time in with Fallout 3 (yes, this is being written in October 2013 - I don't play games until I can get the game and all the DLC for under $30 because I have to save my money for more important things like child rearing and Doctor Who socks). This has been great, as I enjoy the game a lot, although I might be putting a little too much time in. I saw a bobby pin on the floor at work the other day and got all excited for a second.
The problem is that I realized the other day a huge flaw in the AI of those things that want me dead in the game, and like twerking, once I saw it I could not unsee it. You come across a group of baddies, and if you're me you prowl around until you have a good opening, and then you pick off the first one you can. So, I use a long range rifle to pop a cap into the noggin of the closest super mutant in the group, and what does he do?
He attacks me.
I have always accepted this as part of the game - a part of almost every first person shooter really. This dude and all his giant, green friends are now officially unhappy with me, justifiably I suppose, and they attack me. Here's the thing though: that includes the guy I just shot in the head (assuming it didn't finish the job). That guy, now sporting a rifle bullet somewhere in his massive cranium, comes running at me with whatever he's packing (usually a sledgehammer or gun - never a bag of frozen peas as his visage would suggest) and tries to return the favor. And it's true in all the games I've played. Zombies, robots, aliens, splicers, even regular people...each one takes a bullet and then gleefully attacks.
Now I don't have a lot of real world experience with gunfights, partially because I'm a lover not a fighter, and partially because my abnormally huge head would make a delightfully tempting target for even a novice sharpshooter. Still, I'm pretty sure that the response of your average individual upon receiving a bullet wound would not be to go into a feral rage and attack. I think it would more along the lines of cursing a few times, maybe laying down, seeking medical attention, or some combination thereof.
I suppose I shouldn't complain. I do enjoy the games immensely. Besides, what's the alternative? Listening to some guy in post-apocalyptic fetish armor mourning the fact that he's not going to see his family again, or wondering if he did enough with the time he had? That might be a little too real for the average gamer, including myself.
That said, I would put good money down to hear the words "Make sure my son gets my armored codpiece".
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Friday, October 11, 2013
History Corner: Herbert King, Inventor of Time Travel
In the mid 1920's, a man by the name of Herbert King, inspired by the works of his heroes Einstein, Edison and Tesla, set about to develop the world's first working time machine. He did this in an effort to inspire his fellow man, and not at all to show up Mike Quinn, the pretty boy know-it-all who shared an office with him and insisted that King was "nice enough, but a bit of a kook" when he didn't think King could hear him, all while denying his obvious guilt in the repeated theft of the bologna sandwiches that King would bring in for lunch. For years, King spent all of his waking hours outside of the Brown & Moore Insurance Company working frantically to develop a device that would allow him to travel into the past.
In 1929, he succeeded.
Taking a moment to stop by the office, he announced that he would be testing his device that afternoon, and invited the entire office to bear witness to the event. His office mates gathered in his back yard, happy for the excuse to enjoy a warn June afternoon in Detroit, where they were presented with King's device. One of those present described the device as looking "kind of like a car, if you didn't know anything about how cars went together". With much bravado, King announced that he would be travelling precisely 100 years into the past, where he would collect a document to authenticate his journey and then return. As his amused coworkers looked on, King entered the machine, which made several rude noises before attaining a consistent humming sound. The machine then popped out of existence with an unsurprising popping noise.
Dutifully, his office mates "oohed" and "aahed" at the disappearance. Then they spent several minutes carefully inspecting the area where the device had previously been, wary not to step into the actual space should he return as promised. They discussed the ramifications for science as well as mankind, and overall were very impressed. After almost an hour, however, the initial excitement had dissipated, and discussions turned to whether they should return to the office, or wait and see if he returned as promised. Eventually it was decided that the group should convene to Eddie's Tavern to further celebrate King's accomplishment, whatever that may have been. Quinn left him a note stating as much, adding "Congratulations, Herbert. That was really something.".
Unfortunately for King, he had put a lot of though into how to move through time, but that was pretty much it. When he arrived at precisely the spot he had been 100 years in the past, just as he had predicted that he would, he discovered that the Earth had moved approximately 1.3 trillion kilometers through the universe, give or take a million. As such, his celebration on the successful creation of a time machine was short lived, as he had prepared the machine for a reasonably temperate climate, not deep space. On the bright side, he was technically the first astronaut as well, but that isn't really as impressive as time travel and all that.
While King's achievements are largely unknown in modern times, he is much celebrated in the future, where his machine has been recovered and corrected to take into account that our planet is moving along at a preposterous clip through space. I cannot say that his invention is widely used to benefit of all mankind, but only because I've been told not to in the manner that I would describe as "stern, with a hint of menace". Where the device currently resides, the Herbert King Space Station and Shopping Center will be established around 2657.
Throughout that particular quadrant of space, it will be known as not only the best but the only place to get a genuine Earth-style bologna sandwich.
In 1929, he succeeded.
Taking a moment to stop by the office, he announced that he would be testing his device that afternoon, and invited the entire office to bear witness to the event. His office mates gathered in his back yard, happy for the excuse to enjoy a warn June afternoon in Detroit, where they were presented with King's device. One of those present described the device as looking "kind of like a car, if you didn't know anything about how cars went together". With much bravado, King announced that he would be travelling precisely 100 years into the past, where he would collect a document to authenticate his journey and then return. As his amused coworkers looked on, King entered the machine, which made several rude noises before attaining a consistent humming sound. The machine then popped out of existence with an unsurprising popping noise.
Dutifully, his office mates "oohed" and "aahed" at the disappearance. Then they spent several minutes carefully inspecting the area where the device had previously been, wary not to step into the actual space should he return as promised. They discussed the ramifications for science as well as mankind, and overall were very impressed. After almost an hour, however, the initial excitement had dissipated, and discussions turned to whether they should return to the office, or wait and see if he returned as promised. Eventually it was decided that the group should convene to Eddie's Tavern to further celebrate King's accomplishment, whatever that may have been. Quinn left him a note stating as much, adding "Congratulations, Herbert. That was really something.".
Unfortunately for King, he had put a lot of though into how to move through time, but that was pretty much it. When he arrived at precisely the spot he had been 100 years in the past, just as he had predicted that he would, he discovered that the Earth had moved approximately 1.3 trillion kilometers through the universe, give or take a million. As such, his celebration on the successful creation of a time machine was short lived, as he had prepared the machine for a reasonably temperate climate, not deep space. On the bright side, he was technically the first astronaut as well, but that isn't really as impressive as time travel and all that.
While King's achievements are largely unknown in modern times, he is much celebrated in the future, where his machine has been recovered and corrected to take into account that our planet is moving along at a preposterous clip through space. I cannot say that his invention is widely used to benefit of all mankind, but only because I've been told not to in the manner that I would describe as "stern, with a hint of menace". Where the device currently resides, the Herbert King Space Station and Shopping Center will be established around 2657.
Throughout that particular quadrant of space, it will be known as not only the best but the only place to get a genuine Earth-style bologna sandwich.
Thursday, October 3, 2013
She Only Lost Like Two Nights of Sleep. Three Max.
A while ago I had one of those parenting milestones I look forward to: my six year old son came home and told me about Bloody Mary. Being an aficionado of the urban legend genre, I had to correct several point of course, including the fact that it was all bull$#!*. Still it got me thinking: a couple of years ago, my daughter came to me with a story from a kid at school (this was maybe third grade) about the woods that sit between four of the schools in this town.
The story? Someone saw a monster in the woods. Maybe two.
What a waste.
So being a responsible parent, I used this opportunity to explain the nature of urban legends to my daughter, and in doing so told her what's really in those woods:
See, this is an old town. It was founded in the 1800s. And old towns, they tend to have a history, and not all of it is pretty. Well, around the turn of the 20th century, a handful of local kids disappeared. Not all at once. Every few weeks, a kid would turn up missing. No one had any idea what was happening, but needless to say people were pretty freaked out about the whole thing.
Eventually, a kid comes home and says that an old guy who lived in town had asked him to help find his dog. The guy says his dog took off after something in the woods, a squirrel or whatever. The kid follows the guy out into the woods looking for this dog, and after he gets about 20 or 30 feet into the woods, the guy's wife jumps out from behind a tree and tries to grab him. The kid managed to get loose and ran right home.
Well, people being the level headed group that they are, the parents immediately start telling everyone what happened, and before long you've got a full fledged angry mob. They trot out to the woods, break down the door of the cabin where the old couple live, and find the old woman. A quick search of the place find some of the clothes from the missing kids, and that's enough. Cabin burns, and the old lady gets hung from a tree.
The husband, seeing the burning cabin, turns himself in. He admits to taking the kids, but says he doesn't know what happened to them. His wife took them away or some such nonsense. He still gets tried for murder, and soon dies in prison.
Anyway, this was a long time ago, right? The thing is, that cabin? It was right in the middle of those woods behind the schools. And a couple of years ago during recess, two boys were approached by an old man asking for help with a lost dog. One of the kids, presumably the one who wasn't an idiot, says that his mom told him not to help people like that, but the other kid wants to find the dog. The first kid, feeling like something's not right, starts back to the school to get a teacher or something, but when he turns back, he notices that behind the old guy, there's this lady in the trees, and she's looking right at him.
And she's swaying in the breeze.
Well the kid freaks and runs to the school at that point, but by the time he got back with the teacher, there was no one there. No old guy. No lady. And no kid.
And no one ever figured out what happened to him.
The story? Someone saw a monster in the woods. Maybe two.
What a waste.
So being a responsible parent, I used this opportunity to explain the nature of urban legends to my daughter, and in doing so told her what's really in those woods:
See, this is an old town. It was founded in the 1800s. And old towns, they tend to have a history, and not all of it is pretty. Well, around the turn of the 20th century, a handful of local kids disappeared. Not all at once. Every few weeks, a kid would turn up missing. No one had any idea what was happening, but needless to say people were pretty freaked out about the whole thing.
Eventually, a kid comes home and says that an old guy who lived in town had asked him to help find his dog. The guy says his dog took off after something in the woods, a squirrel or whatever. The kid follows the guy out into the woods looking for this dog, and after he gets about 20 or 30 feet into the woods, the guy's wife jumps out from behind a tree and tries to grab him. The kid managed to get loose and ran right home.
Well, people being the level headed group that they are, the parents immediately start telling everyone what happened, and before long you've got a full fledged angry mob. They trot out to the woods, break down the door of the cabin where the old couple live, and find the old woman. A quick search of the place find some of the clothes from the missing kids, and that's enough. Cabin burns, and the old lady gets hung from a tree.
The husband, seeing the burning cabin, turns himself in. He admits to taking the kids, but says he doesn't know what happened to them. His wife took them away or some such nonsense. He still gets tried for murder, and soon dies in prison.
Anyway, this was a long time ago, right? The thing is, that cabin? It was right in the middle of those woods behind the schools. And a couple of years ago during recess, two boys were approached by an old man asking for help with a lost dog. One of the kids, presumably the one who wasn't an idiot, says that his mom told him not to help people like that, but the other kid wants to find the dog. The first kid, feeling like something's not right, starts back to the school to get a teacher or something, but when he turns back, he notices that behind the old guy, there's this lady in the trees, and she's looking right at him.
And she's swaying in the breeze.
Well the kid freaks and runs to the school at that point, but by the time he got back with the teacher, there was no one there. No old guy. No lady. And no kid.
And no one ever figured out what happened to him.
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