Let's step back for a moment, return to a time in the distant past when I was a young man still in high school. I had a certain style about me that I can not exactly describe with any accuracy. I wore odd clothes (baggy pirate shirts for example). I had long hair. I read and wrote poetry. I sang in musicals, sometimes as the leading man.
I describe this for you not to open myself up for mocking (like you needed an excuse anyway), but to point out that it all sort of painted this picture of a romantic (or a gay, depending if you were talking to a guy or girl at the moment). I mean seriously, the long hair and pirate shirts alone qualified me for the cover of a romance novel, with the obvious exception that at some point in my history one of my ancestors partook of a forbidden love involving a wookie, so my chest has enough hair to make a Norelco Bodygroom weep. What's worse was that I knew it. I don't think I was consciously cultivating this image, but at the same time I was a teenager, and I'm not sure I could have been said to being doing anything consciously. Either way, I took advantage of it to be sure.
I'm bringing it up because I have a confession that will probably come as a tremendous surprise to exactly no one - it was a complete fallacy. The fact is that I was probably the most self-centered individual in the entire school. My idea of a big date was renting a movie that most likely involved teenage girls being dissembled by some variety of mythological horror. There might be a sandwich first. Oh yeah, total Casanova material there.
The problem is that while I managed to learn calculus, physics, accounting (at least as far as my budget goes), computer programming, and a host of other skills, I have somehow not improved in this area. I have this weird deficit when it comes to interpersonal relationships. I suppose it's because despite my efforts thus far, I remain a fairly self-centered individual. It's hard for me to think about things in terms of other people.
Of all the failing I have, I would count this as my greatest, because I'm an extremely lucky man. I have an amazing wife. I managed to marry a girl who could be patient with me while I was still too immature to understand how the world worked. I managed to marry a girl who could help me stand up for myself when everything in me screamed to just allow people to keep rolling over me because it was so much easier than confrontation. I managed to marry a girl who is better at swearing than me, and that's really saying something.
Seriously, I'm always getting all this recognition from others about how I'm a great father or a good employee. I don't think that anyone realizes that without her, I'm none of it, and I never would have been. I was primed for a long career in the food service industry, maybe if I was lucky a brief stint in prison for possession of various illegal substances. She didn't just teach me that there were more important things in the world, she taught me how to appreciate them. She has, in every way, helped me cultivate every part of my personality that I can be said to be proud of.
So there it is. As a romantic, I'm a miserable failure, and the person who suffers is the person I owe all of my happiness to. Out of all the things that bring me joy in life, there are few that I can't trace back to her in one way or another - maybe just snack chips, which I don't believe she's involved with. I owe her so much, and I hope that someday I can become the kind of husband that she deserves.
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