Hopefully I Would Be Conscious Enough to Say "Ta Da!"

So as mentioned yesterday, tomorrow is the procedure, and as usual I'm approaching it with all of the seriousness that such a medical matter requires. I'm following all of the doctor's instructions, including today's all-clear-liquid diet and self-induced illness (let's just say I'll be taking more laxatives than the cast of America's Next Top Model on the way home from Burger King). Other than that, I've just been giving a lot of thought to ways I can go above and beyond to prepare for my colon's video debut.

My first idea was graffiti. I have no idea how one could pull it off, but how cool would it be to have the doctor looking into his little television only to come across "Richard Gere's place was nicer" scrawled across an intestinal wall. Or "Why is everything they sell in the gift shop corn based?". Okay, that one was a little rough, but you get the idea.

Of course this is completely impractical. I mean, where does one buy a tiny can of spray paint anyway? So, let's come up with something else.

My next thought was creative things that could be eaten a reasonable time before the procedure that would result in an amusing discovery. I had trouble coming up with what though. At first I was thinking a small warning sign, either "Do Not Step" or no smoking or some sort of high wind advisory. Then, I considered a fortune cookie fortune ("Beware - the end is nigh."). Building on the previous theme, maybe a rubber gerbil. (Do they make rubber gerbils? On second thought, don't answer that.) Then I read how many laxatives they expected me to take today and any hope of an amusing ingestion went right out the window.

In the end (heh), I realized that any such shenanigans would be highly irresponsible on my part, and that instead I should just approach this the way any reasonable person would - hope the doctors don't find a damned thing. Still, a small part of me will continue to consider the possibilities right up until the drugs kick in. Really, how often does such an opportunity present itself?

On an unrelated note, does anyone know where I could get one of those bouquets of flowers that appear out of nowhere that the magicians use? No reason, I was just thinking, you know, that would be something really cool to have around the house.