I Miss The Old Days When They Just Tried To Shoot Me

It's official. Someone is trying to kill me. I don't think it's my lovely wife (although there have several suspicious stair related requests since I picked up more life insurance). No, it's something more insidious. I went something like five or six years without a major illness of any kind. Everyone else would get really sick, and then I would catch it, and I would get this mild version of whatever they had that barely annoyed me, much less laying me up in bed or anything.

Since moving, however, it seems like I've been fighting one thing after another. I don't know if they're putting kryponite in the water or what (I'm using kryptonite only as an example - currently, I have no known weaknesses other than candy and the eyes of my wife, which are, in my defense, scary powerful). I spent the last two weeks with a headache that Sudafed would quiet down but not eliminate. I finally felt better this week and started working out again.

Last night by the time I got home, my head was pounding. Every time I moved it it hurt in a different place. Add to that a sore throat that started around dinner time, and I was back to nearing collapse. By bedtime, it hurt to move.

Now, this is annoying to be sure, but today Sudafed has once again quieted the headache, and the sore throat was soothed away by coffee. Terrific. Better living through chemistry and all that. Unfortunately, those were just the normal problems. Here's where things get weird.

My elbow has been hurting for a few days. Being somewhat of an oaf, I just assumed that I had rammed it into some object without noticing (this happens more often that I like to admit). Last night it seemed to be bothering me a bit more than normal. So, on my way out the bathroom, I casually glance at the offending joint in the mirror, and it would appear that it's swelling up. It's definitely bigger than the other one anyway.

To be sure, this could be attributed to the aforementioned oafishness, but the fact that I don't recall hitting it hard enough to cause the swelling combined with it appearing to be getting worse has me concerned. I mean, why would be elbow swell up? I haven't lost any time, so the likelihood of an alien implant is low. I do recall that there was a small bump there last week, but Snopes assures me that there are probably not baby spiders nesting in my arm. I Googled "swollen elbow", but I couldn't make myself read too many potential issues and treatments - "blech" is all I have to say about that. So I'll treat it the way an American man is supposed to treat an illness - I'll watch it and hope that it goes away on it's own.

If not, at least I hope to grow some variety of terrifying, tentacle appendage that I could use to hand out candy on Halloween - that would rock.