I Suppose It Could Have Been Vienna

I want to start by saying thanks to those who participated on Friday. My tracking results have actually only further confused me, but that's okay. I have been reassured that at least one person reads this each day, and that's enough to keep me writing it.

Now, onto more pressing matters. Last night something occurred that has left me...unsettled. At approximately 8:45 PM, a woman called my house and asked to speak to me, using my first name. The name on caller ID was blocked, presumably via *67, so the name was "Private Number" (which I think is total bull%#$@, but that's a rant for another day). Since Roomba was doing its thing, my wife wasn't sure what she said and asked her to repeat it. The lady asked to talk to me again, and again she refers to me by my first name.

And then she hung up.

Okay, there are probably rational reasons for this, but here's the thing: with the exception of people I work with, I literally don't communicate regularly with anyone outside of my family. There are people online, but I either know them from school, or have remained relatively anonymous. So, assuming this person didn't get hit by a bus while they were talking to my wife, I'm forced to acknowledge this as being flavored with crazy. (Before any of you think this is a leap, remember that I grew up surrounded by as many flavors of crazy that one can hope for. We were the Baskin Robbins of basket cases.) So, now my mind is trying to come up with reasons for someone calling my home, asking for me and then hanging up on my wife, and here's what I've got so far:

Someone from my past is holding a grudge
Someone with a varied career history such as my own will invariably make enemies. It is this that makes me consider that perhaps one of my old enemies, or worse, one of their relatives, has resurfaces looking for revenge. I must admit that this is pretty far fetched. After all, I've always been nothing but professional, which means that in the past, particularly during my run as a ninja, I was pretty careful to leave no traces of my presence. Still, one must consider all possibilities.

I've picked up a stalker
Again, this is pretty damned far fetched, as in real life I show interest in women who are not my wife only to the extent that I'm being polite if they are between me and the coffee pot. Still, it is the internet age, and I suppose someone could have come across my Facebook picture a la six degrees of Kevin Bacon and upon the mere sight of my digitized pretty become smitten and began building a rich fantasy life around me. (Funny this about rich fantasy lives - no one ever has gas. Not many people realize that.) I suppose that through publicly available information, one might use my full name to acquire my phone number, thus making that awkward phone call only to figure out that I am spoken for. I'm hoping against this one, both because it's really creepy and, as a vegetarian, the idea of a surprise, boiled rabbit doesn't do much for me.

My wife called from the future
Okay, so I'm about to befall some catastrophe, and my lovely wife decides to go against all rules regarding communicating with those in the past and tries to warn me, but upon being forced to speak to her past self panics and hangs up the phone. This one works on a lot of levels. My wife probably wouldn't recognize her own voice, since it's always weird hearing your own voice. Also, my wife takes good care of me, and would probably shirk the temporal authorities to try and prevent some disaster I was/will be involved in. She's cool like that.

So there you have it. My money is on the idea that my wife tried to call me from the future to tell me not to get on that train/not to sign that contract/not to wear those loose fitting pants that are prone to falling down on my national television debut. Assuming that this is an isolated incident and further information does not present itself, I think this is the most plausible explanation.

Now if you'll excuse me, I should probably send her a nice card or something.