Besides, Does Anyone Really Want To Hear "Heart and Soul" Again?

Yesterday, as the nurse removed my cast and I looked upon my mangled hand with some dismay, it was everything I could do to resist asking if I would be able to play the piano after this. In the end I contained myself, which is probably for the best, since I can't play the piano now. In fact, it is a shame of mine that I have never taken enough interest in any instrument beyond my own voice to dedicate myself to learning how to play it.

Well that's all changed.

See, I was doing some poking around online and somehow stumbled upon the theramin. for those of you who don't know, the theramin is that thing that makes the absolutely awesome "ooo-wee-ooo" sounds of old science fiction and horror movies (and, of course, my cell phone's ringtone). I had always assumed that it was a keyboard-like thing, which in hindsight was kind of dumb because you rarely saw a keytar prior to the 1980s.



Okay, so here's where the whole thing moves from "Gee, it would be kind of neat to learn how to play one of those." to "Holy Jeebus how have I not purchased one of these things yet!?!". The theramin is one of the only instruments that is played entirely without making physical contact with it. Instead, you move your hands around the antenna to adjust pitch and volume. I repeat, IT PLAYS MUSIC FROM YOU WAVING YOUR &#%$ING HANDS AROUND IT! It's like being a Jedi, only instead of confusing stormtroopers you play the soundtrack to The Day the Earth Stood Still (the original, not the Keanu remake). Here's the more scientific description of the process from WikiPedia:

The theremin uses the heterodyne principle to generate an audio signal. The instrument's circuitry includes two radio frequency oscillators. One oscillator operates at a fixed frequency. The frequency of the other oscillator is controlled by the performer's distance from the pitch control antenna. The performer's hand acts as the grounded plate (the performer's body being the connection to ground) of a variable capacitor in an L-C (inductance-capacitance) circuit. The difference between the frequencies of the two oscillators at each moment allows the creation of a difference tone in the audio frequency range, resulting in audio signals that are amplified and sent to a loudspeaker.

Whatever. It plays music from you waving your hands around it. Must have.



So now this is one more part of my dream office. I will add this to the existing list of things required for the perfect office: fake "castle brick wall" treatment, a few of those plasma balls (preferably in multiple colors), a Jacob's Ladder (the high-voltage travelling arc), and finally a theramin. This is going to be so sweet.

Of course my lovely wife will probably insist on keeping a desk and maybe some bookshelves in there as well, but hey, marriage is all about compromise, right?