I Swear, It Called To Me

The Moose and I were sent to Lowes last weekend for bug killer and a hose sprayer. Not being familiar with the whereabouts of the Lowes seasonal equipment, I had to wander a bit. As is often the case, my wanderings took me past the shovels, spades, and axes, which I like to peruse and price in an effort to figure out which household implements will best serve me should there be a zombie apocalypse (in all seriousness - I really, really do this). Ordinarily, I end up coming to the usual conclusion - an axe and a heavy-handled shovel are really all one could hope for.

And then I saw it - the Briar Axe Brush Cutter.

I was amazed. It was like the good people at True Temper were sitting around trying to come up with an ideal weapon to fight off the hordes of the undead. In fact, I really couldn't even consider what purpose they were claiming it would fulfill when clearly it was designed for just one thing.

The long, heavy handle, allowing for a more controlled two handed usage (something that keeps me from investing in a machete). The heat-treated steel blade, long enough to remove the moaning head of an undead aggressor, and thoughtfully sharpened on both sides to allow for a back swing to dispatch a second beast. Clearly, this was designed for a purpose, and that purpose did not involve brush. Frankly, unless you're storming the castle holding Sleeping Beauty, I can't imagine the brush you'd be dealing with that would require such a thing.



Unfortunately, the lone review said that the handle was weaker than it seemed, so you'd probably have to replace it with something sturdier. Nonetheless, I was enthralled, and promptly began an inventory of my yard to find some excuse for such a purchase (as discussed previously, not everyone shares my concern when it comes to undead hordes). Unfortunately, my lovely wife tends to keep things pretty neat, so me efforts were in vain. I had to hesitantly put it back on the shelf, vowing that one day, it will hang on my garage wall. For now, I'll just have to rely on dropping hints in the hopes that I get it as a gift.

Hey, isn't Father's Day coming up here pretty soon?