This Now Surpasses "Zombie Defense" In My Landscaping Priorities

I am not what you would call someone with a green thumb. This does not bother me, first because I prefer all my digits remain their standard color if at all possible, but also because I am admittedly not real outdoorsy. Oh I mow the lawn when it's requested and all that, but beyond that and occasionally spraying bug killer on trees, I'm pretty well out of my element when it comes to plant maintenance.

I had always believed this to be a choice. Should I want to, I was convinced that I could to the necessary research and become the kind of person that could, say, grow his own pumpkins. I'm not sure how the homeowner's association would feel about me running a pumpkin patch, but that's hardly the point, since I now have concrete evidence that I am not that person.

For I have killed a cactus.

Yes a cactus, which I believed to be a plant tough enough to endure my general apathy towards caring for something that has all the personality of, well, a plant. Do not ask how I came to own a cactus in the first place, for that is not the issue. The issue is that I was the caretaker for one, and it died. Badly. I didn't even realize it had passed until I went to move it one day and realized that part of it had taken on the consistency of old fruit.

I would simply write this off as the loss of one cactus and move on, assured in my knowledge that cactus rearing is now off the list of potential career choices in my future, but there is a problem. See, my wife charged me with the disposal of a small houseplant, and I chose instead to bring it into my office, in part because the plant was a Mother's Day gift that I was already covetous of, what with Father's Day falling consistently outside of the school year, leaving us dads out of the whole school-supported gift giving scene. Anyway, now I have this little plant sitting here, and I feel that by preventing its swift disposal, I may here condemned it to a slow and painful demise by my own hand. I don't even know what this thing is, my plant knowledge being limited to color (green) and degree of deliciousness (haven't forgotten my lunch yet, so I don't know).

Either way, one thing is certain - it is now an imperative that I call upon my lovely wife's plant skills to get this pumpkin patch plan into action, for not I'm stuck on the idea that having my own pumpkin patch would be nothing short of awesome.