Actually, I Think I'd Rather Fade Away

So last night I'm reading with the Princess, taking turns so that every other page is her responsibility. We get through a few pages this way when she starts to get flustered, sits back on the couch and declares that this is too hard because she can't read. I did the dad thing, smiled and assured her that she will be able to read, and this is how. We work on it, and every day she'll know more words, until she can read as well as I can.

I just wish I felt as confident about my own development. Lately I've been drowning in the trappings of life in suburbia. It seems like I can't keep up with pile of responsibilities that are cropping up around me, and I'm not sure what to do about it. I'm constantly on the phone lately, arranging medical appointments, verifying the credentials of the people estimating the repairs on the fireplace, trying to fix utility billing issues, etc. Seriously, I spent over an hour on the phone just Tuesday morning, waiting on hold with various parties while simultaneously trying to do my job.

I've done my best to keep up, but I'm starting to falter. On Saturday I showed up at a birthday party with the Princess, introduced myself to the parents, but the gift on the table, and hung up her coat before I realized that I didn't recognize the name on the cake. Worse, I couldn't even remember whose birthday I was supposed to be going to. After a quick verification with Princess that she didn't know anyone named Lexie (or whatever it was), I checked the date and realized that I was a day early.

I recollected kid, coat and gift, and then went out to the car and had a minor breakdown. I wasn't concerned with embarrassing myself. I was in high school choir with a director who loved vocal jazz - public humiliation doesn't overly concern me anymore. (Did I mention shiny, blue, metallic vests with matching bow ties? Yeah, there's a reason we don't have pictures of me predating the mid-nineties.) No, it was that I could feel myself slipping, losing the tenuous grip I have on what's going on in my life, and worse, I couldn't figure out what to do to resolve it.

Then this morning I woke up and realized that I forgot to RSVP for the next birthday party on this coming Sunday. The request was to RSVP by yesterday, and I tried, but I got a machine, and it was one of those messages that don't say who you've reached, so I didn't leave a message. Naturally, I got mixed up in dinner, baths, medications, and the aforementioned reading, and I forgot to try again. So this morning I woke up, see the invite on the fridge, and there it was again - epic fail. I called and left a message this morning, so hopefully she'll still get to go and just be branded as someone with irresponsible parents. I wish I could dispute this, but right now I'm not feeling it.

The thing is, I can try to fix it, I just don't feel like there's any point at the moment. If it weren't for the fact that it's the kid's lives I'm messing up, I think I'd just drop it all and hide in the house for a while. Unfortunately, it's not an option. Have to order a corsage for the daddy-daughter dance on Saturday, prep for the kids surgery tomorrow, verify that the birthday things is sorted out, etc.

Maybe I need a personal assistant, preferably one that can make a decent martini and works for free. If you feel you're qualified, applications will be accepted through the contact link below.