You're Eating What Now?

So, I'm sitting here eating my lunch, and it strikes me that if someone asked me what I was eating, I would hesitate. There's nothing wrong or gross about it (you'll find that when you eliminate meat and dairy from your diet, the number of foods that qualify as gross greatly diminish). Rather, it's the name itself. See, this morning I put together a hot lunch for me and the kids, cutting up veggie dogs and cooking them in a batch of baked beans, and I don't think I could look anyone in the eyes and say, "Why, I'm eating beanie weenie".

Oh sure, I could pick one of the other monikers that the meal goes by, but for me they are no better. Pork and beans is out for the obvious reason that it's misleading. Franks and beans are no good, first because it's short for frankfurters which are made in Frankfurt, Germany, which again isn't what I'm eating, and second because I work with a guy named Frank, and if there was a food product knows as a Roger, I would not want to be reminded of it, even though I'm sure it would be healthy and delicious.

The whole thing does make me wonder why we come us with such stupid names for things when they, like my lunch today, are targeted towards kids. I tend to treat my kids like small adults whenever possible. I know this isn't something everyone does for obvious reasons (making conversation with a small adult who just downloaded in his pants can be difficult, just to cite one example). Still, I don't feel the need to dumb things down for my kids.

I can recall being in a restaurant as a kid and wanting so badly to order from the adult menus. I always assumed it was because I wanted more food (fat kids are like that, so it's a safe assumption). Maybe that wasn't it at all though. Maybe I just didn't want to have to order a piggly wiggly or turkey lurkey. Maybe I understood that having to speak such stupidity to someone who was supposedly serving me was one of the ways that society let me know that I was less that a full person, that I was still far beneath everyone who got to ask for a damned burger basket instead of a "Cosmic Cheeseburger" meal.

There was even one occasion where my sister, who was younger than me at the time, refused to order by name. "I'll have the kid's chicken sandwich." The waitress innocently confirmed by asking if she meant the "Chicken Little", to which my sister, seriously unamused, replied, "No. I mean the kid's chicken sandwich". I think one of the parental units let the waitress know that yes, they were both referring to the same menu item, but it was quite a victory to see a kid refuse to put up with such foolishness.

So like I said, I try to avoid using childish names and whatnot when addressing my kids, no matter what we're talking about. I figure I'd rather have them know what's going on then have them remain ignorant of the complexities of our language. Well, that and I don't ever want to hear my daughter refer to anything as a hoo-hah or va-jay-jay. That's just wrong.