Programmer, Google Thyself

This morning, prompted by a Slashdot poll, I Googled myself. I like to thing of our readership as into technology enough to know what that means, what with the fact that you have to at least be able to use the internet to read this in the first place, but just in case you're not, or your wife helped you get here, I'll explain. Googling yourself is when you go to www.Google.com and search your name.

Previously, the first couple of results that came back were a picture of me reading to the Princess's elementary school, and then my Linked In profile. Well, the picture has vanished from the results, so now my profile is number one. This is a good thing, as employers now make this Googling a regular part of the hiring process, and my profile is all squeaky clean and whatnot.

The second result was a Facebook profile. This is fine, because I'm smart enough to keep my Facebook account reasonable clean as well (remember kids, once it's on the net it's fair game for life). So I clicked through to see what comes up, and the results are, shall we say, distressing. You see, what I found was some other dude who's name is the same as mine.

Not cool.

This displeases me for numerous reasons. First, I don't want to be mistaken for this guy. Now I don't actually know anything about this guy other than his/my name, so I've technically got nothing to fear there so far, but what if he suddenly goes nuts? You wouldn't want to open the news and find a headline saying something like "[Your name here] Goes On Vicious Puppy Kicking Rampage, Publicly Molests Cantaloupes Before Arrest". Well, I don't either.

More disconcerting to me, however, is the fact that, at least in his tiny profile picture, this other fellow seems to be lacking any facial hair. Now, I currently sport a beard, and while I am constantly tempted to shave it off, what with having to change my appearance every few months to throw off my enemies, it is still there. It's not a goatee, but between the two of us, I'm closer to that than he is. This can mean only one thing.

I'm the evil one.



So the question is this: do I add this person as a friend on Facebook in an effort to learn more about him? It seems creepy, but at the same time, if we are in fact some variety of doppelgangers, then we need to know at least the whereabouts of the other, lest we come into contact and inadvertently cancel each other out, ending our respective existences. And that's the best case scenario. There's always a chance that we could start a chain reaction that begins the unraveling of existence itself, eventually collapsing the entire universe back on itself until nothing is left but the empty, gaping maw of nothingness.

That, or I just need to legally change my name to my true name, Lord Darkraven Von Fancypants, master of possessed pantanloons. I'm pretty sure that one's still up for grabs.