With His Wee Beady Eyes

Now, I know a not-really-news press release when I see one, so the "news" that KFC is temporarily removing the secret recipe in an effort to shore up security struck me for exactly what it was - an advertisement. If the schmucks at the Associated Press wish to treat it as actual news, that's their call. It's not like anything interesting is going on, and frankly, after yesterday's gem I can forgive them their little slip ups.

The story itself though is hysterical to me. First, they talk about this recipe as if it is a highly coveted prize. I recall enjoying a piece of extra crispy as much as the next guy back in my more carnivorous days, but it's not like I sat around for days afterwards obsessing about what it was I has just eaten. I was satisfied throwing the Colonel a few bucks once in a while to get my fix, and honestly, I was there as much for the gravy, mashed potatoes and biscuits as I was for the deceased birds.

The way they talk though, there are bandits sitting around plotting the theft of their 11 herbs and spices with the vigor one might apply to, say, stealing the Hope diamond. Maybe it's me, but I just can't believe that the guys who run Popeye's are sitting around a big table going over blueprints of the KFC headquarters, discussing how their going to attain the recipe, and this unseat the Colonel from his throne. Actually, death unseated the Colonel in 1980, but you get the idea. (Little known fact - the Colonel was not actually buried, but rather was battered and deep fried in his own recipe, and then served to a bunch of rabid chickens. Yeah, I didn't just totally make that up. It's a fact.)

Anyway, this whole story is clearly just an effort to get a little free PR from the good people in the journalism industry. Whatever. I just wish they wouldn't make comments like "the actual recipe would include some surprises". I mean, it's frankly kind of creepy that they insist on hiding their damned recipe to begin with (as a veggie, you tend to obsess about knowing just what you're eating). Why hint around the fact that whatever it is in there, it would surprise people?

Besides, everyone already knows that it includes an addictive chemical that makes you crave it fortnightly.