Best. Idea. Ever.

I had to run to the local grocery store this weekend, and while picking up some coffee I noticed that they had a coffee for Barack Obama. I didn't buy it, but there it was. I didn't see a McCain coffee (I'm guessing coffee makes him irritable), but this got me to thinking about what a poor choice that was. I mean, if you're going to put a product on politicians, make it something that actually represents them, something that speaks to the person. That is why I am now presenting my idea, which hopefully will not be stolen and marketed by people with more money than me (particularly that #%$* Willy Wonka, whose stupid Oompa Loompas I still have a restraining order against).

The 2008 Presidential Candidate chocolate bars.

Let's start with the Obama bar. The Obama is a simple, straightforward white chocolate bar that is then coated on the outside with dark chocolate. This of course runs the risk of turning off people who continue to have irrational fears of dark chocolate. At the same time, it also runs the risk of putting off people who will claim that it's not dark enough, that really it's a white chocolate bar with just the look of a dark chocolate bar. These people spend too much time thinking about stuff like that, and frankly, we don't care what they think. It's yummy.

One thing about the Obama bar - while it doesn't actually contain nuts, it is processed in a plant where nuts are used in other products. We'll probably need to put a big warning on the wrapper, not necessarily suggesting that the Obama bar is itself nutty, but that we need to be wary. We need to know more about how much time the Obama bars spent with these other, potentially dangerous bars, and what effect it has (again, potentially) had on the Obama bars own levels of nuttiness.

Moving on, we have the McCain bar. The McCain is straight forward, all American milk chocolate. It's classic, it's tested. Everyone knows what to expect from it...or do they? The beauty of the McCain is that it's the maverick bar. Oh sure, it starts with milk chocolate, but from there, you never know what you're going to get. You might get a bar full of fiber chunks (tested extremely well in Florida with the "damned old" demographic). You might get a bar full of fiery chili pepper. You might just get a bar of chocolate. See, it's classic, it's tested, but at the same time there's an undercurrent of risk, a certain flavor of the erratic, that makes it kind of adventurous.

Now, we would be remiss to leave out the Vice Presidential nominees, so each Obama bar will come with a (slightly smaller) Biden bar. The Biden bar is also milk chocolate, and is actually very similar to the McCain bar, except that the Biden bar is consistently a little nutty. Not enough to worry about - it's always good. You get what you paid for. It's just, you know, a little nutty. Also, for whatever reason, we're having a little trouble with the wrappers, so while all the necessary information is there, it's sometimes hard to tell just exactly what we were trying to say. We've got people working on that.

Lastly, we have the Palin. The Palin bar, which, similar to the Biden bar, comes along with the McCain, is actually all about packaging. The wrapper is unbelievably shiny, gold and silver wrapped in streaming red, white and blue, but without pretension. It's actually hard to look away from, yet a lot of people feel that it speaks to them, that it's somehow familiar. It has the look of something you'd see in the window of a small town candy shop. Now it does tend to make the McCain look kind of plain in comparison, even dull, and people are already talking about pushing the Palin on it's own, but it's worth it to get customer attention to the two of them. Even better is that each wrapper comes with a little homespun wisdom, something to make it homey. We put a lot of thought into what went into the packaging on the Palin (don't even ask how much we spent on design), but we think it's the best package out there.

We're confident that it's enough to keep people from noticing that there's nothing in it.