If You Were A Cheese, What Kind Would You Be?

This afternoon, I have to give an interview. I don't mean like a radio interview, I mean a "help decide whether or not someone gets a job" interview. I loathe doing this. Partially it's because I don't like the responsibility of having someone's fate in my hands, but more it's that I just don't ever know what to ask to find out if someone is actually capable of being a decent programmer.

Anyway, while I chew on that, I present to you:

Questions You Shouldn't Ask During An Interview

• What's under there?(Wait until they ask "Under where?". Giggle.)


• Who was the better Darrin Stephens? (Hint - it wasn't Dick Sargent, but that would be accepted, if not judged a bit. An answer of Will Farrel will immediately end the interview.)


• What's a buttfer?


• Do you like gladiator movies?


• If the team decided to dress up as an eighties hair band for Halloween, which band would you prefer, and who would you dress as in the band?(Hint: Poison = Fail. Bonus points for answering Def Leppard and being willing to commit to a full day of programming with their left arm hidden under their shirt.)


• So, who did you vote for last Tuesday. (Regardless of response, roll eyes.)


• XBox or Playstation? (Regardless of response roll eyes, unless they say PC. That's a win.)


• We're facing the task of taking an existing Windows based product and transforming it into a massively multi-user environment that will have to be installed across a server farm. Can you give me an example of a similar situation you've had to face, what pitfalls you ran into, and how you got around them? Please respond using an interpretive dance.


• If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?


• We have a strict code of conduct with regards to humor involving ethnic slurs. Can you give me an example of a situation where you encountered such humor? I've already heard that one. Do you know anything funnier?

There. I think I have it all out of my system now. Wish me luck.

And hope that you never have your future employment in my hands.