That's Just How I Roll

When you move into a house, you find all sorts of things that need to be fixed. Carpets need to be straightened, paint needs to be touched up, incredibly dangerous installed fireplace inserts need to be reinstalled - that kind of thing. After a while, things settle, and you began to notice the smaller things that previously escaped your notice before. This weekend, I had such a revelation.

The fixtures in my bathroom were installed upside down.

Now, for the towel rack this does not matter much, but for the toilet paper roll it's a real issue. See, the fixtures feature a metal design, sort of an altered Fleur-de-lis (that's right, I'm all cultured and %#$@). As a result, the upside down installation puts the point of the design at the bottom, as can be seen here:



You may be asking why this is a big deal. Well, the pointy part digs into the toilet paper roll when it is hung correctly, i.e. when the paper comes over the top toward the bathroom, as opposed to hiding behind the roll. So, in order to use this holder, you have to hang the roll incorrectly, like this:



This is incorrect because it sends the wrong message. When hung correctly, the roll of toilet paper is expressing its readiness. It's right there, willingly waiting to perform its duty, fearless and confidant that it can get the job done.

When hung the other way, the paper seems to be hiding. It knows why you're there. It knows how this is going to down. It's almost cowering in its knowledge of its final destination, avoiding those patrons of the porcelain facilities in the hopes that perhaps they will instead opt for one of those Cottenelle wipes or even a facial tissue instead. This is not a product who is ready and willing to do its job, and the user is shamed for forcing it out of hiding to meet its end, or their end, or whatever.

So yeah, I'm going to have to remedy this situation as part of my ongoing to-do list. I can't have my guests feeling all bad about themselves each time nature calls. I want people to feel comfortable and relaxed in my home, free to do whatever job needs to be done guilt free. I want us to receive compliments on it."I love how you've decorated the place, and to tell the truth, I've never been so comfortable dropping a duece in someone else's house in my life."

Actually, now that I think about it, maybe I can put that one off for just a little while longer.