Call Me When We Get To Fuchsia Tuesday

So, being a combination of anti-social and not a big fan of shopping, you might imagine that I avoid the whole "Black Friday" scene like Star Trek fans avoid red shirts. If so, you would be correct. Coming off of a relaxing Thanksgiving with my family, I'd frankly rather eat my feet than stand in line trying to score a deal on some doodad that I can probably order on the internet (or even better, just buy at Meijer with groceries) for not much more money.

Beyond my laziness, however, is the fact that I get mallstrophobic. When I go into the mall, or any other store this time of year, if there are too many people there I start to panic a little. I'm not sure why, but my stress levels go through the roof, and within seconds I'm prepared to start throwing elbows if it will get me and my family back into the comparatively calm sanity of the parking lot.

This panic isn't entirely unfounded. As I'm sure you've all heard, this year led to an actual Black Friday death at a Wal Mart in New York. The highlight of that particular story, by the way, is at the end. When people were asked to leave because, you know, somebody died, some of the shoppers had the nerve to complain that they had been waiting in line since the day before. Apparently getting to watch Nascar on their new 50-inch screen television trumped that whole be-kind-to-others, spirit of Christmas thing.

But there you go. Maybe this is the spirit of Christmas now. Maybe this is why so far, I'm not feeling it this year. It got a little better when we bought the kids presents (on a relatively safe and sane Sunday at Toys R Us), but I'm still just kind of blah about the whole thing. Hopefully putting up a tree will alleviate this.

Either way, the concept of waiting in crazy long lines for material goods just isn't something I can ever see myself doing. The whole thing feels like a scam to me anyway - we'll put a couple of cameras on a crazy clearance, people will fight over them, and then they'll buy other stuff while they're here. No thanks. I'll stick with Amazon. They bring the stuff I order right to the door.

You find another way for me to do my shopping without bothering with niceties like, I don't know, putting pants on, and maybe we can talk.