And On the Eighth Day, God Said, "Dude, do you smell that?"

I tried to take the high road. I tried to stop appealing to the lowest common denominator (myself included) with potty humor. I tried to push DLOG into new, more meaningful territory.

But alas, the world has conspired against me.

Let's start with the Florida teenager who was suspended from riding the bus for three days for "causing a disturbance". Did he jump up and down, shouting fire? Was he armed? Did he destroy a planet with a moon-sized space station (hey, they didn't specify if the disturbance was force related or not)? Nope.

Dude was cutting muffins.

Yes, the boy was suspended for repeatedly shooting bunnies (an expression my daughter has happily adopted from her uncle), causing "a stench so bad it was difficult to breathe". While not personally present, I have heard tales of a band trip where an individual who shall go unnamed (as will his twin brother) would most likely have been taken from the bus and shot had such rules been enforced in my day, but I digress. Either way, I feel for the kid, and hope that each day driving him to school will teach his mother not to serve Thai cabbage omelets for breakfast anymore.

Now I knew about this story before, but I resisted because I want to show you, dear readers, that I can rise above such things. I threw away the research done (interesting fact: if you hold enough gas in, the pressure can get high enough to transfer into your bloodstream and eventually enter your lungs to be expelled with your breath) and tried to move on. Unfortunately, the Japanese forced my hand by coming up with something even more ridiculous.

Yes, in an effort to make things more pleasant aboard the international space station, the Japanese have invented "stink-free underwear". Once I calmed myself from the hysteria that unfortunately occurs upon reading such a headline in an actual news source, I went on to read the rest of the story. They've created underwear that they claim were "designed to kill bacteria, absorb water, insulate the body and dry quickly". They even go so far as to brag "He can wear his trunks (underwear) more than a week". They don't bother giving credit to the poor canary that gave his life discovering the seven day barrier on these things. Either way, I'm sure Stephen Colbert will be relieved to know that the new room named after him will not bear the brunt of Japanese butt funk.

One thing I know for sure: the Japanese economy won't suffer a version made for the ladies. (Link not safe for sanity.)