The Low Down

So, I step into the men's room at work one day, and discover one of the two urinals populated. Since using another restroom would have required walking to the next building, an unrealistic option given my coffee intake of the day, I have no choice but to step up to the remaining urinal despite strong social mores against standing toe-to-toe with another fella. This meant that I was using the urinal that hung on the wall substantially lower than the other one, which got me wondering why there was such a height differential in the first place.

I mused (correctly, I might add) that the placement of the low urinal was for accessibility reasons. Furthermore, I decided that the parties being considered were probably the vertically challenged, as the well-hung are grossly underrepresented when such considerations are made (I've heard tell that Johnny Homes himself could nary walk into a public restroom without tearing up at the shame of having to use a full toilet for a minor transaction, but I digress). So now I'm standing there considering the process by which the good people in the Government decided that urinals should be hung "with an elongated rim at a maximum of 17 in (430 mm) above the floor".

Scientist (probably in a white lab coat holding a clipboard): Okay Tiny Pete, please step up to urinal number 2.
Tiny Pete: Don't call me that.
Scientist: Right. Sorry. So, whenever you're ready.
Tiny Pete: (Fires)
Scientist: Okay, we can clearly see an arch required to hit the target. I'm thinking that we're a good three inches too high on this one.
Tiny Pete: Doctor, I can't keep up pressure!
Scientist: Oh lord! We have a breach! Pete, stop!
Tiny Pete: It's too late, doctor! The seal is broken! There's no turning back!
Scientist: Gah! Why didn't they listen to me when I said to start low? Everyone, to high ground! Save your shoes!

I'm sure it went something like that. So now I've got this little vignette playing in my head. The chaos. The shrieks of horror. The scientists cursing themselves for not wearing goggles. It's all there. Fortunately, I managed to stifle a chuckle at all of this (snickering while standing next to another guy at the urinals is generally frowned upon, particularly by the other guy). Still, what I wouldn't give to be a fly on the wall during that particular process.

So long as we're not talking about the urinal wall.