I Promise I'll Only Use My New Hosing Powers For Good. Mostly.

Previously on DLOG, I discussed that we were going to replace the patio and considered some of the interesting things we might find when we dig up the current one. Well, we're making appointments and talking to landscapers, which means this is going to go down fairly soon, and I've accepted the fact that what we're most likely to find under the patio is dirt.

Once this new patio is built, however, I get to enter into an exciting new world of furniture purchases. Having never had a patio before, we are obviously lacking in anything to sit upon one. So now we get to figure out just what kind of stuff we want on our new space. I've been giving this some thought, and in addition to the standard umbrella-covered table, I have some suggestions:

• Comfortable chair for reading and playing PSP


• Patio cooler (this one has everything but a cabana boy)


• A cabana boy


• Patio-mounted Super-Soaker capable of knocking a full grown adult of a bike


• High quality telescope (good for both educational purposes and neighbors who live more than a block away)


• Mounted cannons (I suppose replicas would do, but fakes won't help ward off zombies now will they?)


• Bat signal with interchangeable symbols (Batman is great, but who wouldn't want to use low cloud cover to remind everyone to have a nice day?)


• A moat with a drawbridge (I'd add sharks, but I would just have to clean up after them)


• Stone gargoyles (but only because I don't think my lovely wife will ever let me put them on the roof)


• Nice flag posts (for showing patriotism/declaring war on the neighborhood/displaying current zombie alert levels)

I'm sure I'll think of more (plus my lovely wife probably has some ideas as well), but I think that would be a good start anyway, plus I've got other things to worry about. Having resigned myself to the idea that nothing of interest will be found upon digging up the current patio, I feel it is my responsibility to take this opportunity to bury something myself in an effort to keep future generations as weird as I can. My current favorite idea: a box containing a fully-intact frog skeleton, complete with tiny top hat and cane.



Hello my baby indeed.