Alternate Definition: An Amputee Lap Dance

As I was walking out of our local grocery store, my eye was drawn to the big bulletin board where people post ads and business cards and whatnot. Right in the middle was an ad for stump grinding. I recalled my father-in-law saying something about having someone out to grind a stump once, and was reminded that I have no idea what the heck that means.

I know that the idea is that a tree stump is to be removed, but what an odd term. A quick Googling reveals that stump grinding involves someone taking a big, scary machine that basically chews up the stump into wood shavings. Apparently, like most household chores that involve big, scary machines, it's best to hire a professional. Fair enough. It was true when I tried to build my own giant robot, so I'll assume it's true for this too.



I have to say thought that, like most things I learn the truth about, I'm a little disappointed. I had assumed that stump grinding involved dancing in an overtly sensual manner while rubbing up against the stump. I figured once you did it long enough, the stump would simply become uncomfortable to the point where it just went away.

That's how it always worked with the girls in high school anyways.