Who Knew The Apocalypse Would Rock?

Starting with a news brief, Oscar Mayer, retired chairman of the good people who turn animals into tube steaks, has passed away at the age of 95. Apparently, he was the third Oscar Mayer in the family, being the grandson of the man who founded it. Details on his burial services have yet to be announced, although it is assumed that he will be cremated just as soon as they can find a hot dog bun big enough to hold him.

In more frightening news, British scientists claim to have created human sperm from stem cells. The work (currently being questioned by other, less mad scientists) is supposedly meant to treat infertile males, but one wonders if they have considered the far reaching consequences that success may bring. Between the facts that men are not technically needed for noise checking and bug killing and technology already simulated and, according to some, surpassed what a man can do when it comes to the female pleasuring (link NSFW - funny, but NSFW), one questions if heading towards potential parthogenesis is a wise move.

While on the subject of girl power, a Russian woman has broken her own world record for having the world's strongest vagina. The athlete apparently was able to lift 14 kilograms (over 30 pounds) using only the muscles in her hoo-hah. As described in the article (mostly SFW, but sanity isn't guaranteed), she does this by using a pair of balls. I'm sure there's a joke there somewhere, but I fear that I just went into innuendo overload.

And finally, with much pomp and circumstance (but mostly pomp), Michael Jackson's body was laid to rest yesterday. It was just as much of a media circus as one might expect from such a thing. I'm not going to make fun, because the fact is I grew up when the man became a legend, and while I avoided all the media as much as possible, I'm somehow affected by it. Besides, I view it as little more than a temporary setback, leading to one of the greatest comeback tours in history.



Cue Vincent Price laughing.