And Don't Even Think About Planting a Toilet Paper Tree

Today, I saw that someone had posted a question regarding "urban chickens" online, and immediately I was fascinated. Naturally, I was picturing bands of chickens with low-hanging pants and doo-rags listening to rap music too loud. It turns out that instead they were talking about people who live in regular houses with regular yards keeping chickens.

Having never heard of such a thing I was fascinated. Why anyone would choose to keep a chicken on the premises is beyond me. Chickens, as a species, lack the cuteness I require from a pet, so that can't be it. It seems unlikely that you would raise a bunch of chickens just to eat them, as it doesn't seem like the time, money and effort to raise one healthy bird would pay off. That just leaves eggs, which I find come conveniently pre-packaged at the supermarket, remarkably free from any evidence that they once sat in close proximity to a chicken's exhaust portal.

Naturally, I turned to the internet for more information. I found that it's at least popular enough to have a web site dedicated to it, but that never impresses me much, as there are whole web sites dedicated to stopping alien abductions through homemade thought-screening caps (yikes). According to them, the advantaged are fresh eggs, fresh chicken (if killing is legal where you live), fresh chicken poop (I think they're stretching a bit calling that a plus), and insect control. Right.

This, to me anyway, feels like a really bad idea. If you haven't figured it out by now, I'm a strong proponent of utilizing the expertise of others to get things done. I mean, if fresh chicken and eggs are something that really matter to you, why not support a local farmer, who more than likely knows way more about raising chickens than you do? Then you're still supporting the "buy natural/buy local" mantra that seems so prevalent right now, all without subjecting your neighbors to chicken dookie and clucking.

More importantly, if this did catch on, where does it lead. What about cows for fresh milk and beef? Pigs for pork and entertainment (I'm sorry, but pigs are inherently funny)? Goats for Greek cheeses to place upon salads with cucumbers and tomatoes? I'm not keen on the idea of looking across my neighbors lawns and seeing the set of Green Acres looking back at me.

Besides, when the kids get to the age where their creepy little friends think it's funny to egg houses, I want the little bastards to at least have to pay for the eggs.