Here In The Hall Of Heads

There was this time a few weeks ago where I was having gastrointestinal issues. I dealt with them by taking a couple of laxatives. Then I forgot about it and made lunch, which consisted of a couple of spicy, black bean burgers covered in yellow peppers and hot deli mustard.

Now, thanks to these people, that is no longer the worst idea ever.

The good people at Cremation Solutions have come up with a...novel way of storing your loved ones. They take a photograph of the deceased, put it into a machine, and produce a three-dimensional replica of their head, that you then put their ashes into. If this sounds creepy, believe me when I tell you I'm not doing it justice. This is the actual promotional picture from the linked web site:



Now, there are currently a few kinks to the system. First, they don't do hair, so if the deceased isn't bald, you'll probably want to spring for a wig. Also, if you decide to go this way yourself, you'll probably want to be very specific about what you want done with it and leave it with someone you trust. No one wants to spend the afterlife wondering if the container for their ashes is being decorated in drag queen makeup and donning a "Boob Inspector" cap.

There are benefits, though. I mean, when I went to dad's funeral and saw the box they threw him in, my first thought was that it looked like something you'd keep jewelry in. At least here, there's nothing ambiguous about it. Plus, this way you would get to double as an attractive and effective Halloween decoration, which is cool and a lot easier than my plan of paying some neighborhood kids a couple hundred bucks to go put a plastic arm sticking out of my grave each year after I go (heh). I'm even considering trying to convince my lovely wife that maybe when she passes, this may be the best way to handle the arrangements.

That way, even though she would be gone, I could still admire her bust.