What's Really Sad? She Never Said Anything Like That.

Despite what you all may think, I am actually a bastion of self-control when it comes to deciding what I do or no not say in public spaces. A bastion I tell you. I'm extremely adept at determining what is or is not appropriate in social situations, and make decisions based on that knowledge. Sure, I'm willing to push a few boundaries, but I usually know right when to reel it in.

That said, I do face temptations - things I think about saying, but resist due to societal pressures. For example, when asked how things are going by a coworker, I have thus far resisted telling them that my workload is backed up like the inventor of the all-cheese diet. Also, I don't ever say "that's what she said", even if it's completely fitting. You don't know how hard it gets sometimes.

You just said it to yourself, didn't you? See. It's harder than most people realize.

Okay, now stop it.



It's not just work either. When I'm using a public urinal next to another guy, and a bit of gas escapes me in a boisterous manner, despite my usual misgivings I have this nigh-irresistible urge to turn to the guy and declare, "That's right. I said it.". I have no idea where this comes from, or what the consequences might be of such a thing, but I'd hate to have to explain to my lovely wife that I got my ass kicked because I was backing up the statements of last night's nachos.

Ah, self-preservation, you ruin so many good joke opportunities for me.