No Need To Get All Snippy Now

Circumcisions are interesting things when you think about it. It has for a long time now been a standard practice in the USA, and yet it doesn't make a ton of sense to me. As far as I can tell, the primary argument in favor of it (outside of religious practices) is that it's more sanitary, as the cut version is supposedly easier to clean that the alternative.



Now, maybe it's me, but I'm reasonably sure that if you were to approach an adult male and offer to cut off a part of his junk so he doesn't have to wash as well, he will politely decline (and by 'politely decline', I mean he will grasp himself protectively and then either flee whimpering or beat you soundly). I mean, we don't do this for other body parts, so why this? Are we that uncomfortable as a society with sitting our sons down and explaining to them the proper application of soap to ones dangly bits?

Maybe we should extend this practice. Perhaps our mistake is not the medically acceptable mutilation of our children, but rather not taking it far enough. I was, for example, occasionally reprimanded for not properly washing behind my ears as a child. You know what would have made that totally easier? Not having ears in the way. I bet you get way less ear infection that way too.

You know what else we could eliminate this way? Underwear streaking. Seriously, you know what the primary issue is with coming clean after making a major transaction in the restroom? No, it's not whether you do your cleanup standing or sitting (another mind-blowing topic altogether). It's your butt cheeks all getting in the way of your business.

Simple solution? Total butt cheek removal. Believe me, I know better than most the usefulness of the human butt cheeks, so I don't make this suggestion lightly. Still, think about how sanitary things would be. Why, we could see the total elimination of hemorrhoids in a single generation.

Now obviously I'm being slightly sarcastic. I would never actually condone the removal of the human butt cheek, if for no other reason than it would create a world where flatulence would lose it's musical qualities and the SBD would become the norm. Rather, I'm trying to point out that maybe it's okay to question some of these things people seem to take for granted, like automatically taking the comb off your son's rooster being a good idea.

Frankly, I'm just glad I'm a man and feel comfortable discussing this with you fine people - women's health issues are not only way more complicated, but I know far fewer euphemisms I can use for female anatomy and still maintian a PG-13 website.