An Open Letter To Whoever Carved "HELP" Into the Bathroom Wall

Dear Sir or Madam,

I will confess that I was taken aback by your plea. What would drive a person to carve the word "help" into a restroom wall at their job is...well it's been on my mind. I can say that much at least. Unfortunately, the vague manner in which you made your request has left me at a loss as to how I may proceed.

See, you left no forwarding information along with your request. In the absence of an email address, phone number, or even a time at which I may expect you to return to the stall in question, I don't know how I can assist you in your request. If you had taken the time to be more complete in your thought, like the person who wrote "working here sucks" (a sentiment I cannot disagree with more, unless by "here" they actually meant that particular stall, in which case I am blissfully unqualified to comment), then perhaps I would have something to go on. Of course, this assumes you had time to spare, and what with the questionable quality of your penmanship, even taking into account the fact that you were carving, one may safely assume you were in some kind of hurry.

So given no more context to work with than a single word, I must assume then that the act itself was what you were seeking assistance with. As such, might I recommend that when defacing a public restroom, one might prefer a medium point Sharpie pen, which provides the permanence of a sharpened instrument while allowing for a more refined finished product. It's the tool of choice amongst the bathroom scribes that I am acquainted with.

Sincerely,
Dangerously Low On Grog