Just Between Us, Someone Needs To Check Helena Bonham Carter's Pulse. Just Sayin.

This morning, I saw that one of friends was on Facebook questioning the reasons behind the fashion industry's insistence that a woman is only attractive is she's built like a ten-year-old boy. Well, having briefly worked as an international fashion model (it was a cover), I have a unique insight into the situation, one that I have kept to myself for a long time for fear of my safety. I have now accrued sufficient mana, however, to protect my family and myself from attack, and thus it is my responsibility to come clean about this.

The sad truth is that most of the modern fashion industry as we know it is actually driven by necromancers.



See, sometime in the last millennium, people got wise to the idea that it was mostly better when dead people stayed dead. Thus, a lot of necromancers found themselves without a lot to do. Strangely, it turned out that many the of skills required to raise the dead from their graves were also useful in coming up with new and exciting fashion trends (don't ask me how it works - not my area of expertise). So, they put aside their potions and rituals, taking up fabrics and patterns in their place.

Of course, you can design all day, but if you have no one to model for you it does no good. This is where things got weird. The necromancers, not really adept at people skills, what with their pallid appearance and the fact that they kind of smelled like a mausoleum, didn't work well with the average supermodel. To overcome this, they rolled their own, raising the recently deceased to parade around in their latest creation.

Unfortunately for those of us who find grown women attractive, they were really good at what they did. The fashion industry took notice, mistaking the decrepid corpses for extremely thin, living women, and began to follow suit. This unfortunately started the trends that find us where we are today.



Hopefully, this is just that - a trend. Perhaps one day, the dead will be allowed to rest and real women will no longer be made to feel bad about having hips. Until then, we just have to quietly tolerate it. Eventually, someone's foot is going to fall off on a runway, and that should pretty well tie it all up.

On the bright side of all this, we did get goths, Hot Topic, and some of the best costume designers to ever work with Timothy Burton.