Okay, The Title Needs Work, But You Get The Idea

Well, it's Valentines season, and as anyone with school age-children knows, there is a long-standing policy among schools that a card must be brought in for every other kid in the class, regardless of gender or likability. I was sure that this practice would be put to an end during the conservative majority of the Oughts, what with it clearly indoctrinating schoolchildren with "the gay". Alas, I was wrong, and each child still gets a card, ensuring that no fat kid is left with an empty Valentines bag at the end of the day.*

But people who believe in a solid social hierarchy should fear not, for the card industry has taken you into consideration. See, out of every box of Valentines, there are levels. Most of the cards are smallish, maybe 2x3 inches. These are the ones you give to the people you're forced to give cards to, like that dude who sits in the corner and smells his fingers all day.**

Then there's the second tier card. Typically these are a little bigger, maybe by an inch or so in one of the dimensions. These are set aside for acquaintances - the kids who you liked okay, but wouldn't necessarily invite to your birthday parties if there were a limited number of seats.***

Finally, you have the premium card. It's still got the Jonas Brothers on it (or at least the ones the Princess picked out for the girls do, apparently feeling that their body of work fails to speak to the males of the group), but it's almost twice as big as the smallest ones. You're no longer getting just one Jonas, but the full Jonas trifecta. These you keep for genuine friends, or, in the case of the older kids, someone you like. As in like like. I think you know what I'm saying.****



So there you have it. As always, we find a way to make sure that those individuals who should be marginalized will be, thus maintaining the natural balance of society. The popular kids know they're popular, and the other kids know that the popular kids are popular too.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to work on a childrens book I'm writing, The Firefly That Burned So Brightly That He Ended Up A Fat, Balding, Worn-Out Husk By The Time He Was In His Mid-Twenties.

*To be honest, I preferred the bag that way anyway. It was lighter and easier to carry.

**Seriously, I washed my hands all the time. I was just trying to figure out what that smell was.

***Which I was totally understanding about, although I didn't really think it was necessary to point out that I would be taking up two seats.

****I have no idea what am I saying.