If He and Liam Neeson Met in a Sauna, It Would Be Like The End Of Return of the Jedi

[WARNING: The following post will be discussing human anatomy in frank, uncensored terms. If you are easily offended, you might want to skip this one. If you're easily titillated, wait until you're at home at least.]

[Sorry about using the word "titillated". Probably should have come after the warning.]

Jon Hamm is apparently sick and tired of everyone talking about his penis. Jon sat down with Rolling Stone and expressed his displeasure at the public attention his privates are getting. At the moment, his penis has yet to comment, but has promised to hold a press conference early next week. Seriously, I understand what he's saying. I would hate the idea of millions of people talking about how huge my penis is, which is easily the single most false statement I've ever made in the history of this blog.

I think that the big take away from this though is our obsession as a nation with the privates of public figures. I'm not sure if people know this, but there's a whole Internet full of naked people. I'm not sure why being famous makes it special. I remember the kerfuffle a decade ago when the world gained access to a picture of Brad Pitt's pendulum. You'd think they had gotten a picture of Bigfoot. I mean, I saw the picture, and based on the evidence he probably does have big feet, but that's not the point.

It's gotten to where I can't look at my newsfeed without the words "wardrobe malfunction" coming up anymore. It's not even interesting. I think there's actually a template at Entertainment Weekly that says "Disney Starlet [NAME] Turns Eighteen, Immediately Accidentally Exposes [Breasts/Naked Bottom/Hoo Hoo/All Of The Above]". If I worked for Disney, I'd be crazy gluing my undergarments on.

I guess my point is that we need to move on. Let these people breathe a little bit. Find some other sport to distract us so the famous can run outside in their bathrobes without fear of their co-stars making a cameo on the evening news. Let's collectively agree that we want to see something a little harder to catch on a camera.

Find me a picture of Jon Hamm looking like holy Hell so I can go back to enjoying Mad Men with my wife.