Still Alive

In the long long ago, I was out on my first date ever when the young lady I was with asked me if I thought I used humor as a crutch. Being a boy of fourteen or fifteen at the time, my idea of self awareness was knowing that watching the girls doing jumping jacks in gym was not a great idea, so I was somewhat taken aback. As a result, I answered with the confidence and grace of Porky Pig getting tazered (undoubtedly one the reasons it was also a last date). That question has, however, stuck with me throughout my life.

The truth is that I use humor for a lot of things, but I don't think a crutch is the proper analogy.

I use humor as a shield. I have discovered that being funny means I don't have to give anything away. I can interact and be social, and people will come away thinking that they like me without actually knowing anything about me. I enjoy this.

It's not that I'm antisocial. I just like playing my cards close. I mean, you might like me right now, but if you knew how many trees I flipped off on the way to work today, you might feel differently. Goddamned trees, thinking they're so cool. "Check this out. I'm totally making energy out of sunlight right now. I'm not even thinking about it. Hey, you enjoying that oxygen over there? Yeah, I made that." Smug mother %#$@ers.

I digress.

More importantly, I use my humor as a sword. There are things that I will never say to someone, sometimes things that need to be said, in a serious manner. I'm just not confrontational like that. It's baked in from years of living in a social group built on the idea of complete honesty, so long as that honestly is in full agreement with everyone else's. Otherwise, keep it to yourself.

But you can joke about it.

I can be more honest in a joke than I ever would otherwise, and this is a thing of beauty. Not that everything I joke about is based in some sort of prophetic truth (although I stand by my wisdom in certain areas). I can, however, express truths in a way that people can take easier by making light of them. I can joke about my guilt over repeatedly telling my kids that there is no such things as monsters even though I regularly deal with lawyers  We can smile and choose for ourselves whether or not we want to read more into it. There's a power in that.

These are skills that get me through my life, and like any skills they have to be honed. I'm getting older, and I'm not always going to be able to count on my devilish good looks to get me through. Between that and the fact that I miss having a place to write, even an insignificant one, I think it's time to take this thing back out for a ride.

Welcome back kids. I have my shield. I have my sword.

Now let's see if we can't find ourselves some dragons.