U.S. News
The recent filibuster by Rand Paul continues to draw attention to the US drone program. Unfortunately for Paul, most Americans misunderstood the usage of "drone", assuming that it was listening to someone talk for thirteen hours being protested. On the other side of the aisle, the Obama administration continues dodging specific questions about whether or not drones might legally be used on American soil, proving once again that integrity and conviction are no match for the opportunity to fly around a sweet remote controlled plane.
A New York city police officer has been convicted of a plot to eat women, which is ridiculously bad planning on his part because he hadn't even tried one yet. He might not even like them.
Local
I don't know where you live. I mean, how would that even work?
Entertainment
The Great Gatsby is set to open the Cannes Film Festival. Baz Luhrmann assured the press that the literary classic will be handled with the class and dignity it deserves before he dramatically turned and strode away to techno-driven orchestra music among a cavalcade of scantily-clad dancers, glitter and fireworks.
Health
The New York ban on sugary drinks is struck down in court, a decisive win for soda manufacturers, personal rights advocates, and designers of Macy's "Metro Husky" line of formal wear.
Pet frogs have been linked to a recent salmonella outbreak adding insult to injury for the poor kids who were licking the wrong amphibians to get high in the first place.
The European Union has officially banned all cosmetics that have been tested on animals much to the delight of animal rights advocates and those who agree that really, even a little blush makes a rabbit look like a whore.
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