1. Monkeys were the first astronauts.
That's right people, way back on June 11, 1948, the good old US of A sent one Albert, a rhesus monkey, into space. Of course, Albert most likely did not volunteer for this job, but still, he got to go into space first. How cool is that?
2. Monkeys look like little, hairy people.
They're like Greek midgets, but cuter.
3. Jonathon Coulton has written not one, but TWO monkey songs.
Yep, the Contributing Troubadour at Popular Science and overall amazing talent Jonathan Coulton, during his Thing A Week campaign in which he released one new song each week for a full year, produced both My Monkey and the sublime Code Monkey, the latter of which speaks to my people like few other songs.
4. Monkeys will fling their poo at you.
I know what you're saying. "Roger, how can a monkey flinging poo at people possible be a good thing?" Well, as far as I can tell they do it defensively, which means they're throwing their poo at people who most likely have it coming. Poo getting thrown at people who have it coming is inherently funny. Besides, if people starting doing something similar to express their displeasure, I bet the long lines and harsh return policies at most big box stores would disappear in a fortnight. Two fortnights tops.
Finally, you may be asking yourself "Well, given the phenomenal evidence presented here, how is it that monkeys are only the second coolest animals on the planet?". That's easy.
Monkey's can't play video games.
Until a monkey can pwn me at Unreal Tournament or Halo, they remain firmly in second place. Sorry. Them's the rules.
***ADDENDUM***
If didn't catch it the first time, you can hover over the images for additional commentary, or right-click and select properties if the hover text isn't long enough. I would imagine this is a habit I'll probably get into. Fair warning.
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