At Least I'm Still the Only One Who Can Open Any Jar in the House

I had a short list of things to get done this weekend, and I failed miserably. Oh well - I'm over it. Unfortunately, this weekend once again threw into my face one thing that I am not over, one thing that continues to haunt me and bother me.

I am not a handy man.

Seriously, no part of my upbringing involved learning how to repair or build anything. While other young men were standing behind their parental units watching car repairs or learning the proper way to hang siding on a house, I was receiving such useful wisdom as "Never give them the money first". Not really as useful as one might think.

So now, as a man in his thirties and a first time homeowner, I can't fix a #%@$ing thing, instead doing the one thing I learned well from my parents growing up - I pay other people to do things I cannot. Now, I'm at least smarter about it (they had a habit of hiring people they knew, which can lead to awkward situations when a job is not done to your standards), but still, it's degrading in a way. As an American man, I've been led to believe that I should be able to step out into the garage and magically know how the cars work, or the proper way to maintain a lawn mower, or whatever. I expected that I would awake one day, and in a shining moment of clarity, all the requisite information would just be downloaded, Matrix-like, into my noggin. Instead, I can write code, bake cookies, and occasionally fix your computer (although my current success rate at that even is faltering).

I know I shouldn't let it bother me. I mean, I have skills, just not those skills. It's hard though. It doesn't help that the men in my wife's family all seem to be of the type that can go out into the woods and, in a week, have a small cabin with cable and indoor plumbing built. I mean, good for them and all, but it tends to cast the occasional shadow that makes it hard to see when I'm writing the handyman's check.

Well, like I said, I'll get over it. I always do with things like this. It bothers me though that this is another area where my kids will have to look to others to learn what I never did. I'm not too worried about the Princess, but I feel some guilt over the Moose. I mean, between this and not knowing how football is played, I'm going to have to outsource a lot of standard "man" knowledge.

Thank goodness I'm still a master at rude noises and dirty jokes.