Dude, I Don't Know How To Say This, But You Smell Delicious

I'm a man who has reached the point in my life where I no longer feel the need to wear cologne. In my youth, I would regularly douse myself in various manly scents in an effort to attract the opposite sex. Having snared myself a wonderful bride, I have lapsed in this, deciding instead to go with the ever popular "clean". It's worked so far as I can tell.

Anyway, having left the scene, I don't pay a lot of attention to new colognes. I've ignored the whole Axe Effect. I disregard celebrity colognes, only pausing to note that Antonio Banderas came out with a cologne and all I could do was wonder if it smelled like Melanie Griffith. Basically, I don't care.

Then the advertisers of the world proved that everyone can be made curious with this. This is a delicious combination of fascinating and creepy, and it's apparently centered around a new scent for men (I think). Someone has finally wedded the American fascination with vanity with the American fascination with food.

If I'm reading this right, someone has made a cologne that smells like a Whopper.

Why a cologne though? I know they say that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, but do women get turned on by the aroma of grilling meat? I'm guessing not, but maybe I'm wrong. Either way, it seems like a perfume would have been a better choice.

Forgetting the gender bias for a moment though, is there really a crowd of people in the world who are sitting around thinking, "Gee, my life would feel so much more complete if I could smell like meat of some kind". If so, I suppose this product would give them a healthy alternative to hanging around with cannibals. So, you know, it's got that going for it I guess.

My point here is that once in a while the world throws a product out there that makes me sit back and realize that maybe I don't know people as well as I think I do. I mean, I never would have dreamed that such a thing would make it past the realm of humor, but there you go. So yeah, while I'm not running out to buy myself any of this (I'm thinking that my lovely wife, being a vegetarian, would be less than thrilled at the prospect of me smelling like a burger), it's interesting to me that there are those out there who will undoubtedly not only purchase, but actually wear such a thing.

To them, may I recommend avoiding the kennels.