In joining Facebook, you get a look at people you haven't seen in a while. This is sometimes a shock, as people unsurprisingly change over time. I, for example, continue to get more ruggedly good looking with each passing year. It's just a thing. Anyway, one day I added one of my old coworkers as a friend, we'll call him Pierre (which, incidentally, is the answer to the question "What does a Frenchman do in the desert?", but I digress), and upon looking at his photo, discovered that he had removed his mustache.
This is truly a shame, as he was one of the few men I've encountered who could actually wear a mustache well. Most men who try fail miserably. I'm not sure why. A lot of men can carry a goatee (or more properly a Van Dyke) or a full beard, but not so much a straight mustache. Generally, they fall into two categories: vintage porn star or weasel.
The first variety, the vintage porn star, is characterized by being a thick mustache. This kind of thing looks good on Tom Selleck, but on most other people looks distinctly late seventies, early eighties. Typically, I see one of these and picture the wearer in the back room of Studio 54 snorting coke off a hookers backside. Not the most flattering mental image when applied to anyone who isn't Neil Patrick Harris.
Even less flattering, however, is the weasel, which happens to be what I end up with when I attempt a mustache. This mustache, which is so admired on Johnny Depp, makes the rest of us look like used car salesmen. Seriously, last time I attempted this look, I ended up selling some dude a used 1985 Buick Lasabre (it wasn't actually my car - I always wonder how that turned out). Anyway, it isn't a good look for me, and I won't be returning to it any time soon.
Well, I suppose if I have to unload one of our cars I might, but other than that, no way.
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