The other day, one of my coworkers handed me this comic I chuckled heartily, and then moved on. It came back into my thoughts today, however, as I was pondering the most judicious use of a Barnes & Noble gift card, being torn between the ever practical The Zombie Survival Guide and the new and enticing Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. This thought process has led me to something that I shamefully had not considered previously.
What is the appropriate age to begin teaching my daughter the basics of survival during the pending zombie apocalypse?
Obviously, the coming apocalypse is a topic that is never far from my mind. I have long since resigned myself to the fact that it will be my responsibility to ensure the safety of my family, as my children are young and my lovely wife's squeamish nature makes it difficult to broach such subjects as the proper method of separating an undead terror intent on devouring her brains from its noggin (I don't think she's even seen Night of the Living Dead). It only exacerbates the situation that she doesn't play video games, and thus loses out on one of the most effective opportunities to mentally prepare herself and her reflexes for the inevitable day when we will be forced to take up arms and defend ourselves.
The Princess, on the other hand, has oft expressed interest in joining me in my games. Oh sure, as a responsible gamer dad I have to keep it E for everybody, so she ends up playing Lego Star Wars. Consider, however, the fact that we recently purchased her a Nintendo DS Lite along with Personal Trainer: Math to give her the opportunity to practice life skills while, say, sitting in the backseat on the way to school. Now ask yourself the following question: when the dead start rising, what's more practical, algebra or building up an reflex to aim for the head when being pursued by a ghoul? I'm not saying that she should stop practicing her math. The apocalypse may be years away, and I want to ensure her a successful academic career. I'm just saying it never hurts to include supplemental material. You know, include some life skills in there as well.
Add to this the fact that her taking of gymnastics is making her surprisingly strong, and I think that she will prove to be a useful ally to have by my side when the time comes. Hell, she can climb a rope anyway, something I'm not sure I can do myself right now (ugh...I've got to get this hand healed so I can return to my strength training). Not that I'm going to throw her out into a crowd of zombies to fend for herself. Obviously I'm still counting myself as the family's best defense. If I can start her training soon, however, she will be prepared to back me up, and in the tragic event that I fall in battle or, even worse, become infected myself and have to be taken out, she will have the knowledge to help keep her mom and brother safe.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to write a terse letter to the Children's Television Workshop for never covering this on Sesame Street.
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