You're Eyes Say It All

I was discussing men's restroom decorum with a coworker last week (a topic I think about more than I should). He expressed the opinion that there is never an acceptable topic to broach whilst two men are doing their business. I thought on this for a while, and have determined that, like most statements involving absolutes, it simply isn't accurate.

Admittedly, the topic came up because I was faced with a situation whereby another man and myself stepped up at the same time. I finished first, and had to resists the urge to look at this other person whom I had never met and say, "I won". In hindsight, I'm glad I resisted, as my declaration of victory could have been misunderstood, and I would hate to be responsible for another man questioning his manhood.

Anyway, now I'm trying to figure out just what is an appropriate topic of conversation when two men are performing a transaction. I mean, there are the obvious things, like, "Hey, that's mine. Don't pee on that.". Obviously, the invading of personal space could be discussed, particularly if someone is reaching under your stall. I could even see being able to call someone out if you suspect them of using a camera in the men's room, particularly if the flash keeps going off (pretty big giveaway, and a not uncommon rookie mistake).

But what of less confrontational situations? What if you hear gunshots, or feel an earthquake, but you'll probably be done before it really effect either of you? Do you let that go without comment? Or what happens if you find yourself in a stall without any toilet paper (which shouldn't ever happen, because the experienced man checks first)? Is it permissible to ask, or are you supposed to tough it out or MacGyver some solution out of toilet seat covers?

Just in case, I'm going to start carrying around one of those little packs of tissues in my pocket - one can never be to ready.