Taste the Nightlife

As we all know, I have an issue with snack foods. Specifically, Doritos, and their habit of rolling out freaky flavors. My unnatural interest in such things has led to me getting burned before, so I've at least learned to stop trying them (well, usually anyway). Still, their marketing carries on, and their new attempts at catching the eyes of America has my attention: Doritos Late Night.

Currently, the sub-brand sports only two flavors: "Tacos at Midnight" and "Last Call Jalapeno Poppers". At first I wasn't sure what the target demographic is for these things, as people who actually go out late at night have access to real tacos at midnight and jalapeno poppers. I figure, maybe they're trying to lure in the underage crowd with the mystique of late night shenanigans, but as usual they have been far too tame in their endeavors. It is for this reason that I offer the good people at Frito Lay some additional late night flavor suggestions that they should consider adding to their roster:

Warm Beer and Cigarette (speaks to why the experienced drinker either never puts down his bottle or simply drinks from a glass)

Doritos (it's kind of a meta thing - very high concept)

Bourbon and Disappointment

Denny's Breakfast

Regret (I'm thinking this would be a fruity, girl drink flavor, not unlike Quest Doritos, which is the flavor I most associate with regret)

Donut

Bathroom Floor (really a morning after flavor, but it kind of fits the theme)

White Castle Sliders

Six-Dollar Cola (this may also be the first time a snack chip could incorporate glitter into a flavor)

Strange Flesh (oh it's edgy, but make no mistake, this will sell more than any snack product that has come before it)

Yeah, that ought to bring in the kids.