Someone Got Their Crazy All Over My Internet Again

My God, I love the internet. Every time I feel like I've seen enough crazy, someone throws up a link, embeds a video or sends me a picture that just blows my mind. Today's example is the following video (careful at work, I think she say the h-word in there somewhere):



People never cease to amaze me. Now, I don't want to belittle this woman's concerns. Clearly this is well researched postulation being done on her part. Attention needs to be paid to the scourge of rainbows that threaten to overtake our nations lawns caused by some creepy chemical (and certainly not by the fact that sprinkler technology has probably changed the way the actual water sprays). If allowed to continue unabated, the costs of cleaning up after all the leprechauns alone could be staggering (the little buggers just poop anywhere you know). Still, I have a couple of points that might make this a more effective presentation.

First, let's try to stick with one or two theories. The best conspiracy theorists are pretty specific, which is what makes them compelling. It's why we ignore the random "I was probed by aliens" stories, but will listen to the guy who claimed aliens were implanting their fetuses into the anuses of celebrities (I ain't Googling it at work, but I've heard the guy talk, and it's breathtaking). I don't want to hear rambling about water supplies or stuff seeping up from the ground or airborne contaminants causing this issue. Give me something concrete. Give me Government vans mysteriously showing up right after the rainbows and then driving off, with you catching a glimpse of the captured unicorn whose flatulence was causing said rainbows. Now you have my attention.

Second, let's work on our composition skills people. I know looks aren't everything, and I may be accused of being superficial here, but I find that your point is easier to take seriously without the sounds of police sirens constantly blaring somewhere beyond your broke-ass fence. For that matter, perhaps it's not the best idea to buffer your eloquently explained concerns with text that has not been run through a spellchecker. Unless of course it is truly the Government's thrist for energy that concerns you here. In that case, carry on. Fight the good fight.

But if you really want to know who's behind the increased rainbows, I'd start by questioning the lovers, the dreamers, and felt amphibians with ping pong ball eyes.