Maximum Mayo Capacity Tester. Worst. Job. Ever.

Today, I noticed that the office food shelf, that area conscripted to contain abandoned comestibles that are now free for the taking, contained a bag of coconut covered marshmallows. Now I do not partake of marshmallows due to their gelatin content (it's a veggie thing), so I wasn't especially excited or anything. I did, however, peruse the bag as I am wont to do and came across the following warning on the side:

Choking Warning - Eat one at a time. For children under 6, cut marshmallows into bite-sized pieces. Children should always be seated and supervised while eating.

Now far be it from me to question the safety concerns of the good people of Kraft. They did after all bring us such fine products as macaroni and cheese that comes in a color typically reserved for pumpkins and traffic cones, and really, what could be more wholesome? Still, does this seem a bit much to anyone else?

I guess what throws me here is that first line - "Eat one at a time". Do I, as an adult, really need to be informed that stuffing my face full of food might lead to choking? Or is there something special about the marshmallow that makes it a particularly onerous choking hazard? Maybe they get bigger when you put them in your mouth or something. (Stop that.)

So now my question becomes not why they're warning me about the marshmallows, but rather why they're not warning me about other foods. How am I supposed to know how much mac & cheese I can fit in my mouth at once? Or now many pickles? Or Chips Ahoy cookies? Or Cool Whip (which now comes in the spray can, begging to be upended directly into one's mouth)? Or scoops of mayonnaise (which also comes in a convenient squeeze bottle that, while not as tempting as the Cool Whip, could be similarly abused)?

Dammit, how am I supposed to stuff my face unless someone does the science to tell me how to do so safely?