DLOG: The Manifesto

So I've been thinking, I need to start a manifesto. This way, if I'm fiddling with the radio on my car and go careening madly off the side of the road, inadvertantly hitting a Government building in the process and killing myself, it will be seen as an act of patriotic defiance (not terrorism - I'm still considered Caucasian). This will probably make for better headlines than "Died in an effort to not hear that Lady Gaga telephone song again, like a twit".

As such, I have the following demands and grievances that I expect everyone to pay attention to and act upon, regardless how ridiculous, selfish and petty they may seem:

• Each week, one individual voter, chosen at random, will be "Person of the week". They will be mentioned on all television news broadcasts and will recieve free food at any restaurant for the duration of the week. There will also be a hat, signed by the President of the United States, that they get to keep.


• A song shall be selected that, when sung by a man in a public restroom, must immediately be joined in upon by all other men sharing that facility. I'm pushing for Rawhide, but remain open to suggestions.


• Free pie Fridays. MAKE THIS HAPPEN!
  


• While I sympathize with the plight of the downtrodden in our society, I do not feel it fair that I should be expected to participate in funding Government programs to help them when such participation interferes with my procurement of shiny objects (for the purposes of this manifesto, "shiny objects" is defined as anything appearing anywhere on Gizmodo). As such, I shall be exempted of all taxation dedicated to programs that do not directly benefit me until the production of such shiny objects ceases or I run out of room for all my stuff.


• It shall be made illegal to hide from someone and then jump out, yelling "BOO!", in an attempt to frighten and startle them. That's just mean.


• The third Monday in March shall be declared a Federal holiday in celebration of the works of William Shatner. The Shat must get his due. (I don't %$#*ing care if he's Canadian. We're claiming him, and if that means we take Canada in the process, so be it.)
  

As I understand it, these are supposed to be living document, so I think this is a sufficient starting point. Feel free to add any suggestion to the comments section. I will give each due consideration.