Female Viagra, Persistant Arousal, and The Real Reason I Failed Pre-Calculus

While I try to shy away from medical news topics, what with the fact that they are frequently so briefly remembered, today I saw two semi-related stories side by side and felt they needed to be addressed. This is because they are both interesting, and not because they both are related to women in the mood. Well, it is a little, but only because there's just so much comedy gold one can mine from rectal exams.

Anyway, first we find claims that we are one step closer to Viagra for women. This article made several statements that brought me joy, starting with "Attempts to treat female sexual dysfunction with Pfizer's erectile dysfunction drug Viagra have for the most part failed", something I personally didn't find surprising, what with most attempts at giving women erections fail. Better still though is when they pointed out that the new drugs apparent success is being verified by testing the drug on female rabbits. I repeat: we're showing some success of an arousal drug with female rabbits.

In a similar study, it has been shown that a new crack-like drug is very popular among crackheads.

If a story promising female Viagra brought me joy, then the tale of a Wii fit injury leading to "Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder" brought what can only be described as unmitigated glee. A woman in the UK who managed to fall off of a Wii fit board has found herself with an injury that causes "intense feelings of genital congestion and sensations that are typically unaccompanied by any conscious awareness of sexual desire". Better yet, in her own words: "It began as a twinge down below, before surging through my body. Sometimes it built up into a trembling orgasm." Yes, this unfortunate victim now knows what it's like to have your genitals take over control from your brain and lead you to a state of uncontrollable arousal.

In other news, every male between the ages of fourteen and twenty who ever lived - ever - has just been diagnosed with Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder, and has thus been excused from walking up to the front of the class as symptoms dictate. The U.S. Surgeon General will be issuing notes upon request.