Today a tree that used to sit next to my garage is now laying in my yard thanks to a reasonably large thunderstorm that blew through last night. I have confirmed that my insurance company took as much interest in this topic as I take in Ann Coulter's opinions on pretty much anything, which is none. As such, I am presented with an interesting puzzle. Do I use this as an excuse to buy myself a chainsaw or an ax?
Obviously, if I were to buy a chainsaw, that would make the job faster, it would be easier on me, etc. However, that is short term thinking, and I'm a long term guy. So while a chainsaw would make this job faster, what about in the long run? So the question I really have to ask myself is this: when the zombie apocalypse comes, which would I rather have at my side?
Again, I think a lot of people would say chainsaw, but I'm not convinced. Sure, when surrounded by a legion of the undead, bent on devouring you and your family, a chainsaw would be nice to have around. You know, it would let you clear a path in short order. So sure, in situations where you're surrounded, you would want the chainsaw. Also, let's face it - anyone who has ever seriously considered this scenario (and you all should) has the image of Ashley J. Simpson in their minds, so naturally the chainsaw is a big draw.
Situations where you're surrounded, however, imply that you've made a tactical error. I mean if you can keep your clan safe for, I don't know, maybe a week or two, then the rotting will kick in. At that point, you'd have to make a pretty serious blunder to find yourself surrounded by a bunch of slow, dragging zombies. So as long as we had enough food to hold us up in the house, being ambushed isn't a real concern of mine.
The downside of the chainsaw is obvious. It requires fuel and maintenance. While I suppose I could siphon gas out of cars abandoned along the roads for a while, I would have no chance at fixing a broken chainsaw. Heck, I can't fix the kids toys. So an ax looks good from that point of view. No fuel, no maintenance, and I could sharpen an ax against a rock. I'm pretty sure rocks will still be in full supply regardless of the flesh-eating crowds.
I don't know. Maybe I'm over thinking this. For now, I'll probably just borrow a chainsaw or something. Maybe buy the ax. I mean, when the time comes, I really only have to protect everyone long enough to get to the local Meijer anyway.
Then, it's machetes and shotguns all around baby.
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From The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks (son of Mel)
Blades don't need reloading.
Guns may seem a tempting defense. Indeed, many burglars and drug lords can be frightened off with even a modest handgun. But guns should be your last resort in a zombie attack.
* Guns are no good without bullets, which may be hard to come by after an apocalypse.
* Guns take practice. An untrained survivor could run out of ammo or accidentally shoot another living human before hitting a zombie.
* Guns are noisy. They attract zombies.
* As stated above, guns need reloading. They're slower than bladed weapons.
Even if you could be assured of being far enough away from the zombies to effectively dispense them with a sniper rifle, you'd attract more with every shot. Against these slow, bungling creatures, your sneakers are your best defense. If they fail you and you're surrounded, a bladed weapon is more likely than a gun to save your ass.
I really have to break down and buy that soon.
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