I Bet They've Never Found a Single Cat This Way

I've been fighting a nasty sinus infection for about two months now. After two bouts of less than effective antibiotics, I'm starting to get a little frustrated about having a headache most of the time. Between the headaches and the fact that I now smell smoke randomly where there is actually no smoke, I've decided that I'm either really messed up or I'm being haunted by a ex-smoker (it's pretty hard to find a ghost who's a current smoker because ectoplasm gums up the workings of a Zippo - not many people know that).

Anyway, this means I'm getting a CT scan of my sinuses today. As is my habit around these parts, I figured I'd let all of you know about it. I do this for two reasons. First, it's pretty much all I'm thinking about this morning. Second, you can all learn from my experiences. After all, there's no reason more than one person has to learn things like "never see a proctologist who works out of a van" the hard way, right?

What's weird is that I'm not really sure what I hope they find. I mean, if they come up with nothing, I'm just getting headaches and smelling mystery smoke with not further information and a chunk of my annual deductible being billed. If they find something, there's a remote chance someone want to open my head up and remove it, another idea I'm not particularly keen on. Such is the conundrum of the advanced medical procedure.

Honestly, I am hoping they find something, just not something especially medical. I'm hoping they find one of those sweet little tracking implants the aliens put into people when they abduct them. Not only would it explain the many gaps in my memory, but it would make me feel like I was better traveled that I currently am. Plus, if I ever run into David Duchovney, I would have something to talk about besides his supposed sex addiction, which I'm guessing would be an awkward conversation ("Dude, are...are you picturing us doing it right now?").

Unfortunately a CT scan doesn't lend itself to comical implants, so I have to hope the aliens have me covered.